you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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