his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
