idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
