Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
