just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
