I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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