but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
