Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
