i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
