The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
jump out the window naked night went bad
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