So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
