I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
3pm strippers are depressing
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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