I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
