I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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