Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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