i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
