How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
