Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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