see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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