If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hippo gnu deer
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
