Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ttyl tear gas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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