nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
