dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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