I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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