Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize