FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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