Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
