Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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