So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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