Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
