Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
