God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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