this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
