i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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