Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
