So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
MIDGETS
????
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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