He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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