Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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