Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
