Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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