3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
