I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize