i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
