very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
