She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
