a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
