I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
