yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
