u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
