I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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