You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
