There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
