if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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