I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
