Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
