i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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