i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize