I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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