Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
