id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
