Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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