just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
