Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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