she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
