is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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