We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
